Update Tuesday, April 4, 2018

Jacob: He’s learning so much lately. He asks me a thousand questions about what rhymes with what, why I work, why I have to buy the things, why things are the way they are. He’s watching every single thing I do. Now I fully realize the pressure parents have as role models for our kids.

I am concerned with how hyper he is around dinnertime. He bounces off the walls, flailing his arms like a windmill, spring boards off of the ottoman, hurting himself and his brother. I think it’s because he doesn’t have recess anymore since we pulled him out of preschool. It’s still cold outside so we can’t go out, and I still have to go to work so I can’t drop everything to drive us to an indoor playground or the library. Once it’s warm, we can walk nearby to playgrounds or just hang out in the yard.

Nathan: When Jacob is hyper, the two of them are like a hurricane. They wrestle, yell, run around the house. It would be fun to watch but as they’re doing this, they create this trail of books and toys everywhere. Why do they feel the need to empty boxes?? I have been tempted to throw out every single thing they own so I’m not picking up and straightening everything. But then I remember even in hotels, they still tear apart the place. I think the only thing I can do is embrace the mess and get into yoga.

Charlotte: She still eats too little, nothing new. Two meals a day is about all she gets. I started her on finger foods like banana cookies and she loves them, so major win in getting more calories there. I don’t know when she will take a bottle (formula or breast milk). If only she did like her brothers, she would be so much more nourished. I still have a lot of breast milk but she isn’t even into that. I throw my arms in the air because this child just doesn’t like to eat.

I still work with her in my lap as she naps. If I transfer her to the bed, 9 out of 10 times she will wake up. Once in a while, Jacob comes into my office demanding me to change the channel and I tell him “Shhhhhh!!!!” and all he does is speak louder.

I get anxious wondering how I will manage to work and still have her at home with me, as she’s just going to nap less and get more active as time goes by. But then I remember that Hoobey will be a hospitalist starting July, which may mean I can reduce my work hours. This is the perfect example of “when a door closes, another opens.” Curious as to what will happen in the summer.

Hoobey: He’s super busy with work stuff, he said. But he’s still been going home around 5 pm and picking up the middle for me.

Family schedule: It’s pretty straight forward where Hoobs gets into work at 9:15 am or so and gets home around 5 pm. It’s the most cushy training year as we expected, but it doesn’t feel any easier. Gone are the days when I left the kids at Ba Khiet’s house until 8 pm. We now pick them up from Ms. Megan’s at latest 5:30. And it really does feel make a difference that we are outnumbered.

Me: A miracle happened on Easter as somehow since then, I haven’t been as anxious. I just no longer give an eff as to how behind I am with my blog or CV biz anymore. Other people’s success don’t make me wildly jealous. I just shrug my shoulders and say “Whatever, I suck at doing these things and so I am going to do nothing.” Shelving everything makes me feel at peace. Before, the hyperactivity made me work like a robot and every single missed deadline made me feel on the verge of breakdown. Finally, my body has kicked in a healthy response. This isn’t good for my success, but I am a ton happier. I want to enjoy this happiness until I can regroup and figure out what I want to do. In the meanwhile, I’ve been more present with my kids by reading books and helping to clean up at nighttime. That could be what I am called to do at this time.

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